The Day I Thought My Time Had Come

The Day I Thought My Time Had Come

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It was a beautiful morning and the sun just started unfurling itself to shine above our heads. I was just having my daily dose of caffeine (I know coffee is harmful but it’s addictive) and scrolling through my phone as usual, all my cats suddenly started showering a lot of love on me. Initially, I paid little attention to it, but the way they were glued to me was unusual. Even the cats who haven’t shown affection in five years are rubbing against me, kissing me and following me around.

I suddenly remembered reading that cats can detect several diseases and also death. The article said that whenever someone’s death is near, the cats cuddle with the person and spend more time with them. I sat on the spot, trying to connect the dots. Finally, I got the clear picture. I was going to die in a day or two. I was petrified. I didn’t know what to do. I was numb. I didn’t know my day would come so soon. I am just 22. I still have a lot to do. A scene from the episode “Heavenly Puss” of Tom and Jerry was streaming in front of my eyes. I saw myself go to heaven on that golden escalator. 

I sat for a few minutes immobile, while my cats were rubbing against my leg. I decided to get most out of my “last day” since nobody wants to die with regrets of doing nothing. I didn’t even think of making a list of things I love because I didn’t have “enough” time. I did everything that came to my mind. That “live everyday like it’s your last” became real. I first grabbed “The Everyday Hero Manifesto” by Robin Sharma and read for an hour. Then I picked my notebook and started writing random stuff with no outline or context just because I love writing. I tried pushing the whole life-death situation to the back of my head.

After I wrote some bizarre life quotes, I stood in our house sitout in Titanic pose except for the fact that there was no Jack with me. I thanked God for giving me this gift of life. Maybe, somewhere, I was regretting a lot of things. I wish I was more kinder towards myself on bad days. Wish I did things that I always wanted to do. I wish I was unbothered and ignored people’s comments. I wish I loved myself more. My thoughts were interrupted when my dog barked at some stranger walking 30 feet away from my home. I wondered how will people I know would react when they get “the news”. How many days will it take for them to move on? While these thoughts ate me up from the inside, I tried to divert my mind towards all the positive, happy moments from the last 22 years.

I went inside the house and to the kitchen to take a sip of water. All my cats followed me and started circling me. That’s it. My time has come and suddenly I lay my eyes on the cat’s food bowl. It was empty. I refilled it with food and all the cats forgot about me. It took me five seconds to realize that they were following me and brushing against my legs because their bowl was empty. I don’t know why they had to be so dramatic that literally made me lose my common sense. All the common sense returned when the cats started eating and stopped giving me any attention. I was relieved, to be honest. But this level of overthinking is extremely harmful.

I was perturbed for four hours because of the little rascals, but this incident taught me a lot of lessons. The pain of regret is real. We treat ourselves differently when we treat everyday like it’s our last. We are more gentle towards ourselves and do things we love. Death is scary, but the guilt of not loving ourselves enough is scarier. I am now sure to be thankful for the smallest of things and not take anything for granted.

So remember to give yourself a lot of love and care. And yes, next time when a cat gives you an unusual amount of love, don’t forget to check their food bowl.