Society’s guide to being an “ideal girl”

Society’s guide to being an “ideal girl”

Hey everyone! I hope you all are doing well. This post is very personal as it comprises of my experiences and what I see in my everyday life. I am a girl. Which means the society already has pre-decided rules for me to follow. These rules are common to all the women in the world. We are “bad girls” if we fail to follow them. People label us as “pseudo-feminists” if we speak-up against them. All the women reading this, I believe you can relate to me. And I am sure that you had to put up with those nasty stares when you didn’t agree to the “terms and conditions”. And people who think these restrictions don’t exist, just look more carefully around you. Nobody cares to speak against it(I wish they did).

Below are some of the major, socially constructed rules that an “ideal girl” have to follow:

1. “Ideal girls don’t show too much skin.”

I am sure you must have heard some folks say “Hawww, have you seen her skirt last evening? It was shorter than my palm” or “She was just wearing that bralette…Without a jacket.” People consider female bodies as their property and that they can throw their nasty comments when they want(change my mind). Policing our clothes has been going on since our school days.

A small patch of skin and the whole neighborhood goes “Hawwwwww, hayeeeee, tch tch tch”. ” What are you trying to show?”, “Whom are you trying to impress?” , “How can anyone be so shameless?” To qualify as a “good girl” you will have to cover your entire body and only then you are worthy of respect.

 

2.” An ideal girl is not too fat nor too thin and must have skin tone ranging from medium to fair on the skin color chart.”

The main reason for why I skip family functions is to escape from those relatives who scan my body and also not hear them talk on how fat someone’s daughter is or how difficult it is to find a suitable groom for my dark-skinned cousin. A real girl must have big breasts but not too big, is well-built but not too much, skin tone must range from medium to fair because no one likes a dusky girl and has a perfect hourglass structure. Else you will have to deal with unsolicited opinions on how it’s gonna affect your chances of finding a husband along with free tips to gain(or lose) weight and home remedies for fair and clear skin.

3. ” Keep in mind to retain your hymen for your future husband and don’t you dare utter the word ‘sex'(whispers).”

You know the label given(by sick people) to an unmarried girl who isn’t a virgin or to a girl who had multiple partners in the past, don’t you? Well, I am not gonna tell it because I am sure that you all have come across that word(or even thrown at someone).

In my twenty years of being alive, I never understood the relationship between virginity and character. And the most amusing part is that, this applies only to girls. If a girl isn’t virgin or talks about sex and pleasure, then she is a….again you know it. “Good girls” insulate themselves from the word sex (oops…I just declared that word. Now I am a bad girl…ouch!!). I just have one question. Why folks? Whyyyy?

4. “A good cultured girl doesn’t party and comes home by 7 p.m.”

Neighbor 1: “You know what?”

Neighbor 2: “No…What?”

Neighbor 1: (whispers) ” I saw Amisha come home at 11 p.m. “

Neighbor 2: “I don’t understand why girls nowadays can’t stay home instead of partying all weekend. Then they come crying to us if something goes wrong.”

Going out with friends to parties is uncultured. Coming home late is characterless. And I have encountered so many people(unfortunately) who strongly believe that if girls want to be safe, they must be home by 7 p.m.

Locking in girls after seven didn’t bring about any change in women’s safety. So calm down….

5.” An ideal girl sacrifices her dreams and ambitions to start a family and take care of the house.”

It’s sad that even now a majority of the population believe that a girl’s place is in the kitchen. Her educational qualification, her dreams, her goals don’t matter to anyone. She’s forced to give up on her desire to create her own identity for the sake of her family. If she doesn’t then, she has to deal with never-ending blackmails. Not gonna lie, only a small portion of people are actually supportive of a girl’s ambitions.

Also, I have seen and read about hundreds of women who had to give up their jobs post – marriage because it’s time for them to take care of their in-laws and their husbands. Additionally, family gets to decide if she is ready to have a child or not.

“What do you mean you don’t want children? Motherhood is the most important phase in a woman’s life”, “Your husband earns enough. What’s the need for you to work? And who will look after the house and your family?”

6.”Just forget that it happened.”

We all are aware of what percent of sexual harassment cases go unreported. One of the reasons is “Family reputation will be at stake.” Did you know that most of the time the perpetrator is a relative or an acquaintance? And the girl’s family, despite being aware of it, choose to remain silent and even intimidate her to stay tight-lipped.

The cases that we come across everyday is not even ten percent of the total harassment. It is so normalized that getting catcalled, groped, stalked are all considered as a part of a women’s life and people just brush it under the carpet. After all “good girls” tolerate everything in silence isn’t it?

 

I am tired. Tired of dealing with misogyny and inequality. Exhausted seeing people control the choices of women. We all are taught to be “good girls” since childhood. It’s ingrained in us that if you don’t match the society’s definition of a “perfect, ideal girl”, then no one will like us.

I just want to say, I don’t want people, who expect me to be that “perfect girl” to like me. I am extremely happy breaking the socially constructed rules and if that makes me a bad girl, then I am proud of it.

In what other ways do you think society controls women? Let me know in the comments…