Before you compare yourself to others, read this

Before you compare yourself to others, read this

By: Amisha Shetty

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt.

In this world, there are billions of people who are living their lives under different circumstances. Different financial situations, various family backgrounds, different geographical areas and many other aspects. The society has built such a structure where we are forced to see other people, our friends, as our competitors. When someone gets ahead in life, we are pressurized by our own minds to think that we are not good enough. And when I say “get ahead”, it means not only in career or academics. It also includes lifestyle, the assets they own, the trips and vacations that they take, etc. Our body, which is god-gifted, is also a factor of competition. Competition breeds envy, and envy leads to comparison. We compare ourselves to others; to people who are born and live in completely different situations.

Why comparing ourselves to others is dangerous?

Even though some people claim that comparison helps us in analyzing our performance and efforts, I believe it causes an inferiority complex. This leads to low self-esteem and finally leads to mental health issues. Talking about personal perspective, I observed my performance decline because I felt left behind. And then I realized I wasn’t the only one. There were thousands or even millions of others who feel that they are not good enough, the major cause being social media.

When we are running a self-organized, biased race where we are mentally competing with others, it takes a toll on our mental health. Decreased self-esteem will make us think we are not good enough. We stalk others on Instagram and constantly criticizing our own lives. When we hate our life, we hate everything that we used to love initially. We develop a sense of detest towards our belongings, our body, the abilities that we have, and even people in our lives. An assumption that the entire world is against us makes space in our hearts. These affects both our mental and physical wellbeing.

Role of social media in comparison

I said earlier that social media plays a role in triggering our minds and we unconsciously (or consciously) start comparing ourselves to others. But, the people with whom we are comparing ourselves with, are not responsible for our thoughts. People are just living their lives and posting whatever is going on in their lives. But since this world is all about competition about who is more successful, our minds are automatically trained to compare ourselves to others since our childhood. Instead of appreciating and feeling happy for others, we sow the seeds of envy, which grow quickly into an enormous tree if we do not uproot it at an early stage.

When parents compare their kids to others

Majority of the parents say things like “Look at your friend. She scored 90 marks and you can’t even score 85.” or “Our neighbor’s son got placed in a huge MNC. I don’t know what you are doing with your life.”. And they justify their words by naming it love and improvement. When children hear this, they believe it blindly since they are the parents. When these kids grow up, they have already imbibed that “loser” mentality. This leads them into thinking that everyone in this world is ahead of them and that they cannot achieve anything in life. This again leads them to comparing themselves to others, which affects their mental health.

Why comparing ourselves to others does no good and how to overcome it?

We all are born to different backgrounds and live in various conditions. No two people’s lives are the same and we all know this. Still, we envy that classmate who went on a Europe trip or that neighbor who bought a new car. There is nothing wrong with wishing to have a car or go on an international trip. Maybe we have something big planned by the universe which is on its way or even that it is not meant for you. And in fact, we should be happy for those who are getting the opportunity. It tells about you a lot as a human being.

When it comes to looks, it is something that is naturally got by us. Again, wouldn’t it be funny if everyone in this world looked alike? No body shape, color or size is bad. It is the society that has created some unrealistic standards of beauty. I have written an article on body shaming, read here.

We just need to live our life at our own pace and do things that we actually want to do. If we try to imitate others, we will definitely stumble upon obstacles that we don’t know how to overcome. Every person’s path is unique and only they can get through it. The universe works like that. We cannot help it.

Every child has different capabilities. In a class, there is a classical dancer, an entrepreneur, a baker and many more other than engineer or doctor. Different students have different grasping and comprehending abilities. So, comparing two children is like comparing apples and oranges.

What happens in the end?

We are all going to breathe our last and not even once will we remember what other people had or what they were good at. Only things that flash before our eyes are our house, our dear ones and everything that was ours. We are going to remember the fresh breeze on our face, our dog licking our hands and eating our comfort food with our siblings. Our looks, income, societal status and assets owned; none of them are going to matter in the end. We are only going to remember how beautiful our life was.

Read more tips on Stop comparing yourself to others: do these 10 things instead